Key word: Reconnect

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways….1. Because you’re so damn sexy. 2. I love the way you touch me. Mmmm 3. Oh wait! My girlfriend just texted me, I gotta get this.  She just got a new job.  BUZZ KILL!

Is Instant messaging leading to instant disconnection in your relationship? If so, check you text manners.  Relationship gurus report that when working with couples in distress,  partners appear to pick up on verbal and non-verbal cues more than those not in distress.  Nothing tells an anxious partner “I’m just not that into you” more than responding to a text message or looking at your phone when they make themselves available and at time vulnerable to them.

Just imagine this…there was a time in recent history (prior to 2001) when people used to write love letters (how barbaric)!  It would take hours or days to put a good one together, another 1-2 to get it to the recipient and… close to a week to get response! Wth! how did people survive?  Actually, they did okay.  Perhaps they spent more time gazing into each other eyes…waiting for a favorable response from their partner.  So lets go Retro! How did these pre-millennials survive a text-less realationship with the partners? Let’s check it out:

1) Patience:  They didn’t send a text at 1pm and start freaking out at 1:05pm when they didnt’ get a response. Texting didnt exist so they tolerated the distress.  Assess your love patience.  How long do you give your “Employed” partner to respond to your text.  (Surely he or she is not doing anything important at work and texting right?)

2) Focus: prior to the text-mess boom people stayed connected when they were talking more. Wanna show your partner you’re in to them? Reconnect your gaze to theirs and turn your phone face down or, put it in your pocket.  Contrary to the “Oh I got to this this so-called 911 text”… most can probably wait

3) Set Boundaries:  The pre-text generation didn’t like gettin phone calls at 2:00 or 3:00am in the morning.  Program your super smart phone to go into don’t disturb mode at a preset time.  (Don’t worry that emergency will be there in the morning or they will actually call your house)

4) Motivation: Nothing excites woman more … (speaking like at actually know from a man’s perspective…because this is what men do) …then a man who is motivated and gets things done.  Now, I’ve actually tried this and I can tell you first hand it doesn’t work:  You can’t cut the grass and text.  You can’t trim the hedges and text.  You can’t fix that hole in the wall and text. Something has to give.  Texting interrupts the necessary attention needed to complete task.  So, check you text manners if you feel that you are a professional procrastinator.

And finally 5) Sexting: Defined as sexual texting.  Yes, we all love to flirt or be flirted with, but if thats where your game stops…think about what your promising in the text messages and try to hover somewhere in the realm of truth.  Don’t write a “baby when I get home text…” because you had a moment of horniness at the office.  Unfortunately texting or rather instant messaging allows us to capture the moment and sent a message before the hot flash ends.  If you know that you’re and after work sleepy, I need a nap person… then don’t promis acrobatics from chandeliers.  Partners will add this up as one of their disappointmenting moments.

Texting brings us a whole new world of communication and new was to reconnect with your partner.  Just check your text manners or your reconnection moment might be short lived.

Jemal Doute is a couples counselor located in Fayetteville, GA.  If your relationship needs help with connection Jemal Doute should be on your holiday shopping list.  Go to www.jemaldoute.com to schedule your session now.