Yea, you heard me right. I’ve created a name for your marriage issues, and it’s called The Punk Out Syndrome. Here is a definition of how I describe The Punk Out Syndrome. In a relationship, both partners produce brain chemicals, such as dopamine and norepinephrine, that may mimic what feels like a TEMPORARY bond and attachment. One would call this a “feeling of love.” However, this feeling may not be maintained in a healthy relational manner. In other words, The Punk Out Syndrome is when your love for each other shuts down for whatever reason. Those reasons can cause you to ask the following questions:
Why in the hell is marriage so freaking HARD?
“I’m tired of the constant back and forth with you. I can’t trust anything you say anymore. It’s always an argument about everything. We hardly speak to each other. We are sleeping in different beds. Forget about sex, and you barely look at me. You act like you can’t help out around the house or with the kids. What happened to us”?
I’m glad you asked…
Your marriage needs couples counseling. Both of you are unhappy in the relationship. Somebody Punked OUT mentally, physically, and emotionally.
How do you know if you are struggling from the Punk Out Syndrome? What does intimacy look like in your marriage? Sex is the first thing that becomes lacking. If you aren’t getting any nookie from your spouse, then they seek refuge in the bed of another, outside the marriage, ultimately called “the destroyer” or “the side-chick or side-dude.”
But the question is…
Why aren’t you getting any constant nookie from your spouse? Well, let me give you a few common reasons:
1. Past trauma is still present from one or both of you, which can include issues from childhood. If that trauma or issue has never been dealt with, guess what – it will find a way to present itself in your marriage in some form or another. Past trauma is sometimes identified as baggage. Baggage includes a lot of issues that create insecurities and trust issues.
2. The feeling of abandonment is present. Perhaps one or both of you did not experience a genuine emotional connection as a child from a parent or guardian for whatever reason – only you know your story. Shame, guilt, and loneliness are often created from abandonment issues.
3. Lack of good money spending habits. Bad spending habits can cause additional stress. Maybe neither of you were ever taught how to spend or budget wisely.
4. Personal pet peeves become annoying. One of you has issues with how the other may wash dishes, fold clothes, lack cleanliness, ignore you, be argumentative, stubborn, and perhaps overbearing.
5. The need to control the other person. Perhaps one of you likes to make all the decisions, tell the other one what to eat, wear and how to think. The control is real to the point it’s no longer a relationship; it is a dictatorship. Two grown people are bossing each other around. What about working together as a team?
6. Lastly, the anger issue. Anger in the relationship can cause verbal, emotional, and physical abuse. Anger issues can signify deeper issues that the person has not dealt with from past issues.
Consequently, the above examples are common concerns that would cause a relationship to fall out of love and perhaps lead to infidelity with the side piece. The mental and emotional part of one or both of you present the feeling of “forget this” “ain’t got time for this.” I call it the Punk-Out Syndrome because the person would rather walk away than fix the issue. The person would rather deny the problems or perhaps act as though you don’t care. Obviously, at one point, you did care because you got married. Oh, but now the both of you are noticing each other’s bad issues. It’s now devastating because both of you stopped talking to each other.
The Punk-Out Syndrome is ever-present in a lot of marriages. Bad cycles in your marriage keep repeating themselves over and over again because neither of you knows how to resolve your relationship issues. The Punk-Out Syndrome comes with the following consequences:
* Infidelity
* Trust issues
* Consistency
* Lack of communication
* Bad spending habits
* Excessive substance abuse
* Mental and physical abuse
The Punk-Out Syndrome comes with baggage. Baggage will prevent the person from experiencing and connecting emotionally and intimately because it lacks true authentic agape love for each other.
Are you struggling with the Punk-Out Syndrome? If you struggling with any or all of the symptoms, I encourage you to enroll in my Marriage Intensive Program.
What is marriage intensive?
A Marriage Intensive is for couples looking to build, repair, and bring change in their relationship. The program is modeled after the most effective marital interventions currently used in the counseling sessions. This Marriage Intensive has an incredible reputation for helping couples also to achieve intimacy quickly.
The marriage intensive will address common topics such as Communication, Decision Making, Problem Solving, Trust, Respect, Financial Differences, Role Expectations, Love Languages, Forgiveness, T.E.A.M. (Together Everyone Achieves More) Mentality, Warning Signs, Intimacy Issues, and skills on how to be happy in your marriage.
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Book a free 30-minute consultation to get started with Sophia Gethers, MA, MLC, CAMS by calling 678.489.7384
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