Sex in Relationships

You may not want to admit it but one of the deciding factors of who you decide to date or marry is sex! It is human nature to cling to others, to feel like you belong. Out of the mother’s womb we yearn to be held, fed, protected, loved. It is an innate ability for us to seek out other individuals who are like us, who share some of the same point of views like ourselves. When you find that partner or spouse who you are physically attracted to, you seal the deal by what happens in the bedroom, and the connection that results from that proximity.

 

You decide that this person is the one you intend to be with or at least for a length of time surpassing the first date. Both of you then become the “couple” of the century and everything is great. It is like fireworks; you are so hot and bothered for each other that you engage in sexual activities like once a day, three times a week, or at least once a week, and it is like heaven.

 

What is Happening?

Years pass on by and one day you wake up dissatisfied, probably feeling a little lonely, unloved, and trying to remember the last time you had sex.  There was a time you could not take your hands off him or her in the beginning of your relationship. So, what happened? Aren’t you two still together? In fact, you probably live together. Here are five reasons sex is less:

1. You got to know each other-Ever heard the term “to know someone is to live with them” well this could be the case. Sometimes what you learn about a person over time may not sit very well with you. In fact, you run the risk of growing to dislike the person or have a difficult time living with his or her habits you do not really care for, and sometimes you cannot get past it. So now sex does not feel the same anymore and it then becomes infrequent.

2. Physicality including illnesses-This barrier could include being “stuck in a rut.” There are partners who become bored because their sex life has lost its spunk. The bedroom lacks creativity and exploration so one or both partners begin to think of sex as an obligation because it has become mundane and no longer fun. The other piece to this puzzle is that your partner develops an ailment or illness that becomes debilitating. It may be as bad as one’s partner developing a handicap that could be permanent. Illness or disease can be as simple as having hypertension and you have to take medications for it; however, some of these medications are known to affect testosterone levels, causing vaginal dryness, lowering libido, etc. Therefore, these ailments become a barrier but there are ways and means to work around it.

3. He or she isn’t listening-The height of intimacy is hard to achieve if one is not listening to one’s partner and by listening I do not mean what is said, although that is also crucial, but one does not listen to his or her body or that of your partner’s. Some people shy away from expressing what they like for their partners to do with them and to them, as well as introducing new things to the bedroom. Learning about each other’s body is crucial in maintaining a healthy sex life. The act of sex should be more profound for a couple than just the act of “getting it in.”

4. Life happened-As you grow together situations may change. You aspire to reach certain goals together in making your life more comfortable and endurable. Your partner may have gotten a promotion that cause him or her to work longer hours and more days. Financial issues may arise, which may require you or your partner to work 2 or more jobs. Therefore, you see each other less, and you are exhausted because there are now less hours in your day.

Then there is the addition to the family. You have children and we know very well that children take up a lot of our time as parents and so the marriage or partnership suffers. Now you spend less and less time together and the conversations change from “I miss you” “I love you” “Let’s go out” to “Did you pay the bill?” “Did you take John to practice?” “Are you helping Lisa with her homework?” Now out of nowhere buying more diapers for your child is the highlight of your day.

5. Infidelity-Some may believe that people cheat on their partners because of the quality and quantity of sex. However, there are plethora of reasons why a partner or spouse may cheat. Occasionally it is a mental health issue. It could be personal issues outside of one’s partner or spouse; or because what sex means to him or her due to life experiences. However, regardless of the reason if one’s partner cheats trust issue develops. When trust becomes an issue, you become withdrawn and so sex is no longer a priority or it begins to lack luster.

There is Help

Regardless of the reason the intimacy in your relationship has become less, the thrill is gone, it has become mundane; there are solutions to any problem. Sometimes we have to remind ourselves of why we fell in love in the first place. You have to remember what made sex great for you and your partner or spouse.

There are times when having a relationship has to surpass the exterior. At some point we discover that hard work and effort is the key to maintaining a healthy relationship in and out of the bedroom. It probably was a challenging task of winning the right girl, the right boy. However, the real work is to keep him or her yours. Do not wait until you are resentful of each other or when there is no more sex. Come in and see a counselor to enhance your communication with each other and work on existing issues. You will be given tools to prevent failure in your relationship and learn to cope with future issues. Maybe there is nothing wrong with you physically. “It could all be in your head.”

 

Book Today!

www.doutecounselingservices.as.me/dleemighty